Sairé's Intro
Enjoy reading this piece while listening to this playlist if you like: https://soundcloud.com/sairesaire/sets/azarakh
My name is Desirée Donaville, I go by Dez, Desi, or by my artist name Sairé (pronounced sigh-ray). Born in Berkeley, grew up all over due to military family upbringing. My introduction to electronic music stemmed from my parents initially. Growing up my siblings and I heard all sorts of genres of music at home and family gatherings. I loved everything I heard usually, and eventually realized that I just loved experiencing new music wherever I went. My childhood sounded like 60s & 70s oldies, Blondie, Prince, Chaka Khan, Teena Marie, Neneh Cherry, New Edition, Michael Jackson and so on.
My dad joined the Army in the mid 80s. We were stationed first in Monterey, then three years in Gelnhausen Germany, and after our overseas tour we were in Kansas in the early 90s for another three years. During the Gulf War my dad was deployed overseas. I remember when he came back from deployment, he shared some items from his time away with my siblings and I. He brought us MRE’s, which we thought were so cool at that age, and showed us some cassettes, which I believe the military issued them. The cassette cases were made of this bulky, hard, and dense plastic or rubber. I’m assuming it was to protect the cassettes from the heat, sand and other elements. I remember being attracted to it just because it looked so different. I love odd and unusual things I’ve come to find out. I like to find the beauty in such things. He brought back a few different genres of music in that collection, and I had my faves which I played over and over again. Something I still do, depending on how the song makes me feel, and whatever mood I’m in. I think a couple of the tracks that I loved were KLF - 3AM Eternal, and Adventures of Stevie V - Dirty Cash (Money Talks). I wish I had a copy of those cassettes to show you all, and have as a keepsake item. Even trying to find a photo online was making my eyes cross, I will find a copy one day, I just need to.
After our stay in Kansas we moved abroad to Germany again, this time in Darmstadt. My brother and I, teens then, just 13 months apart, would smile and laugh everytime we heard the untz, untz, untz of Techno from the Straße when we played outside. Not laughing to make fun of anything, but more out of love. I thought it was cool. I wanted to hear more because I didn’t really remember hearing it anywhere else. I feel I was exposed to a wide variety of international music living in Europe. Sometimes we heard music that didn’t hit the States yet. I loved it all. All the music that I considered weird and different, mostly from hearing it on TV, radio, and music my family played.
My parents had a large movie and music collection as well. I think all of us were, and still are I guess, music, film, and theater freaks or fanatics. I have another memory of one of my siblings who always had their headphones on with their little walkman, always. My mom would require her dance sessions every now and then, and all of us had to entertain ourselves in our rooms as we heard all the stomps coming from the other room. Sometimes we stayed together, listening to our own music dancing together, wondering what moves she was doing at the same time. I found out only a few years ago that my dad DJ’ed, or perhaps he can be considered a selector, during his time off from the military. One CD all of us were obsessed with with at that time was ACEN’s Trip II The Moon. I remember great moments of all of us dancing to that album. The feeling that we all felt listening and dancing to that album was somewhat liberating.
Fast forward a bit to about 2013, I am working in SF at this fashion ecommerce startup. I made some cool friends that I love. Some who eventually introduced me to the electronic underground scene. I remember feeling like, “where has all of this been?” Growing up I went through so many music phases: Rap, Hip Hop, Reggaeton, Salsa, Bachata, Cumbia, Alternative, Indie, Classical, Rock, International and so on. I still go through these phases, I’ve been getting into Jazz and Classical Indian music lately. Some of my friends were in bands playing in the city and the east bay. I was always out enjoying life, music, art, food, and meaningful connections. From 2013 on, I felt I was meeting people in this special world where, I don’t know, everything just felt better to me. I felt comfortable, everyone could be themselves, it was and still is all love. I am happy and grateful that I found it the way that I did. I also felt that I was becoming more comfortable with dancing in public. Overcoming a fear of mine that I had since I was young, and probably overcoming a few other personal fears in that period. I never really liked attention, I still feel the same really. I know I have a different background compared to a lot of people, especially my peers, music wise. I am aware that I am having my own unique experience in this life, and should not compare. I am grateful for every experience, good or bad.
I went to the usual spots back then with friends, I was listening to music everyday, most of the day at times it seemed. One of my favorite sets that I would listen to often was Martin Stimming’s 4D Full Set which was performed live in an advanced spatial sound system, creating a binaural experience where the music moves around you three dimensionally. I wish I could experience something like that one day, I know that would feel amazing. If I could perform live one day in a similar space even better, that would be amazing. If you haven’t heard it, please listen. I recommend listening to it with headphones, as Stimming suggested. I enjoyed listening to that set so many times over the years. So much that I somehow at one point when I was feeling down about a few things, attached certain emotions to several different points in the set, which eventually made it too difficult to listen to at times. My fault, I did it to myself, but I fixed it, I can still listen to it again, trauma free. I am laughing over here by the way. But yea, it was a fave, and led me down a path that I guess changed everything.
Stimming was performing live at Monarch, I believe it was in July 2015. He was amazing as usual, and I remember that night I was able to check out that cool room that some people may know about. I hope it still has that vintage oil rain lamp. My great-grandma had one of those, I always thought that lamp was cool, a pain to clean sometimes though. Stimming was in the room after his set with a bunch of others, with some of my friends as well. One of my friends said I should talk to him, and and let him know how his music makes me feel, so I did. He was so sweet, and it felt natural talking to him. I doubt he remembers me, but I have never forgotten that moment. He said something to me that changed everything.
After I had told him how his music, and the 4D set in particular made me feel, he asked me if I ever thought about producing music. I was in a small shock after he said that, eyes probably wide open looking like a deer, but no, at the time I don’t think I had ever thought about it. I think maybe I played around on some computer program many years before and thought it was fun, but it did not stick. Probably because I did not know what I was doing. I have had friends tell me I should DJ in the past, because they liked the playlists I would make, mostly for work. It was like something snapped in me after he mentioned that, and I was like, you know what I should. I think the next day I downloaded Ableton and started teaching myself how to produce music.
Over time I bought some equipment from friends, like an audio interface. Eventually saved up enough to buy my first synth, a Korg Minilogue. Met a cool friend who helped in store with that, you know who you are, thank you again. I made great connections with people just by talking about music, sharing and listening to music together, giving feedback, receiving feedback, having jam sessions, collabing on music together, and so much more. It has been great learning together and from one another. Around 2015 through 2016 I was starting to feel that I wanted to move to Berlin. I lived in Germany twice before and have been back a couple times afterwards to visit friends. I also served in the Army from 2000 to 2004, and some of my friends still lived overseas. I desired to go back and experience living on my own as an adult in Germany. Do all the fun stuff like my parents did when we lived there before. Everything I did for a good year was to prepare me for moving, and hopefully staying in Germany if things worked out. Living in Berlin was a movie for real, a series, I learned a lot there. I created a lot of music as well and eventually self released an album on Bandcamp. I know it is definitely experimental. Putting it out was something I wanted for myself. I think every time I travel I learn something different about myself, I love it. Hopefully I get a chance to write about that experience, or if you see me and want to know, just ask. I am usually pretty reserved, not so much shy anymore, just quiet at times. I am nice, and anyone can talk to me about anything really.
So today, where am I and what’s my plan? I just recently moved back to the Bay, yeeeee! I am so happy to be back. I missed so many people, places, and the food! I know things are not perfect, but I still love the Bay. I came back because I felt like it was time, there are a lot of projects I want to do, especially collaborations with other people. I want to become more involved in the community. There are so many experiences I see for myself and I am making all that happen. I also want to help do the same for others.
Let’s connect if you are feeling the same. I am pretty silly most of the time, my humor is dark, I have a lot of talents, but don’t really consider myself a master at all of them, yet. There’s always room for improvement right? I am into photography, I recently got back into painting. I went to school for fashion design, and one of the projects on my list is making clothing, and may be accessories for myself and friends. It might evolve into something else, we will see. My music style right now, I feel I am leaning into more of the darker, heavier, somewhat industrial side of Techno. Mostly because I am feeling a lot more confident in some of my productions, as I am continuously learning. That style is also my preference usually when listening to Techno, but really it all depends on my mood. I feel like it would be wonderful to create music and experiences for others that can be life changing in a good way. I would love to produce music that can maybe open up people’s minds, hearts, and feel more connected together as we are dancing together. Music is powerful, it’s a beautiful thing, and I wish it could solve our toughest problems somehow. Wishful thinking maybe, but imagine how beautiful it could be. I always joke that I wish we could have combat dancing versus actual combat to fight these ridiculous wars, Breakin’ style :).
I can not finish this without saying that I believe that we all deserve a chance to be here, and that no one is better than anyone else. Our time here is finite, and sharing and spreading love and beauty is best. I think we’ve had enough of hate, destruction, selfishness, and greed. It’s exhausting and it’s damaging globally, mentally, physically, spiritually, I really don’t need to say all this, we all feel it right? This is also part of a repeating pattern I notice, and hope more people see as well. I don’t know how we can continue to live this way, but we have to figure something out somehow. I am trying to find my part in all of this. I have felt that I could do it somehow by moving back. That connection was missing before while being away for the last few years. The last track I have added to the playlist is my track ntkA from Black Techno Matters Liber8 v2: N3W P4RAD1GM (linked at the end of this essay) released June of this year. I believe this track deserves its own piece of writing. Hopefully I can write about that in the future, I may write a post about it in more detail on my socials, or even here soon. I feel it is time. The track was inspired by another track titled Monajat by Akram Abdulfattah, a Palestinian-American violinist, music composer, and producer. I have a strong love for Classical music, and have for the longest time wanted to incorporate it into my sets and productions. I discovered Akram from going down one of my usual rabbit holes digging for music, and knew I had to create something that included samples from one of his pieces. It all seemed like divine timing. ntkA has been described as noisy, in a loving way, and I agree, but yes that was one of my intentions. I believe I am still trying to put into words how I felt when I created that track, how I felt before, how I have felt after, my creation process, and so on, soon.
I hope someone out there has enjoyed learning a little bit more about me, in this somewhat immersive experience I tried to create.
All Love, Free Palestine, Free Congo, Free Sudan, Free All Oppressed People, and Human Rights For All!
~ Sairé
Black Techno Matters Compilation
Index